a letter to little p

dear little p,

mommy and daddy are bursting with anticipation to meet you. each week we look forward to seeing what size of veggie/fruit you'll be compared to as we learn about your rapidly developing body inside mommy's tummy. you've been a pea, blueberry, raspberry, olive, prune, plum, peach and this week you're a lemon! even though you're still relatively small, the joy you bring to our lives cannot be measured.

we want you to know how much we love you already! since we found out you will be joining our family, you have given us a new perspective on life and this world. many of the things we used to worry about seem silly because now we're focused on giving you the best life we possibly can.

we want you to know we won't be perfect - as your parents we'll make mistakes. your mommy and daddy are a little goofy and i assure you there will be plenty of times when we are "the most embarrassing parents in the world."  please know we will always support you and want what's best for you. we want to teach you to laugh at yourself - a lot (we laugh at ourselves daily and it makes life fun ). treat others with respect, even if they're different or you don't understand them. always be kind. although it may be hard sometimes, try your hardest not to judge. be brave enough to stick up for yourself and for others. have the courage to try new things, meet new people, eat new foods, adopt new beliefs. travel often. seek truth and meaning in this world. never stop learning. read real books (i promise we'll save some for you even if they become extinct). explore your creativity. never lose hope.

we don't know if you're a little boy or a little girl yet, but we already feel the need to protect you. we want you to know life will be hard sometimes. you will feel disappointment, and anger, sadness, sorrow and pain. just know things will get better and we're already with you every step of the way 

hold on, to me as we go

as we roll down this unfamiliar road

and although this wave is stringing us along

just know you’re not alone

cause I’m going to make this place your home

settle down, it'll all be clear

don't pay no mind to the demons

they fill you with fear

the trouble it might drag you down

if you get lost, you can always be found

just know you’re not alone

cause I’m going to make this place your home

settle down, it'll all be clear

don't pay no mind to the demons

they fill you with fear

the trouble it might drag you down

ff you get lost, you can always be found

just know you’re not alone

cause I’m going to make this place your home

- home | phillip phillips

hugs

♡

home sweet home

as most of you know - b and i are officially homeowners yippee! considering my last post was in january (seriously?) i guess i have a lot of updating to do - warning it's going to be a long one!

house hunting: was definitely not what i expected but well worth the ups and downs. the first thing we learned - do not trust photos! that ridiculously huge kitchen/living room/dining room/etc you instantly fall in love with -9 times out of 10 ends up being an 1/8 of the size. boo! i remember the very first house we saw - it was adorable and spacious in the photos and i was certain it was the one. "how lucky are we to find our home on the first try" i thought. not so much. although the home was indeed adorable it was also tiny and didn't make much sense for us! the second thing we learned - the total square footage isn't always the total liveable square footage. 300 upper square feet and 400 lower square feet (even unfinished) sounds perfect on paper - potential bonus rooms for the future kiddos sweet! but when you can't stand up straight in the attic and really can't do anything but laundry in the basement, you're realistically left with the square footage on the main level (in some cases smaller than our apartment).

the location was the most important factor for us. we love being in the heart of portland - specifically northeast - so we were definitely picky when it came to neighborhoods. we also love the rose city neighborhood (our current/b's childhood neighborhood) and ideally wanted to stay relatively close. other than that, our list of "have to haves" included 2 bedrooms (although that eventually switched to: 3 would be really really nice) at least one bathroom (hey you never know one foreclosure we saw was robbed of it's toilets), and really great bones!

there were several times we thought the right house in our ideal neighborhood  just wasn't out there and expanded our search farther east to the argay neighborhood. we fell head over heels with the beautiful mid-century ranches. they were some of the coolest homes we had ever seen - one in particular was in perfect original condition (one owner)! although we left argay feeling excited we knew in our hearts we would miss walking to the dive bars, tiny coffee shops and sweet cafes that have spoiled us the past few years.

making an offer: was extremely competitive in our price range - again, something we weren't expecting. everyone said the first offer(s) they made didn't go through and they were so happy it worked out that way. our friends and family encouraged us to hang in there, everything happened for a reason and we would find our perfect home. offer number one was up against 6 others - two of which were over asking price and all cash. we were a little bummed but got over it pretty fast. offer number two was a different story. house two was incredible - a huge house, built in the early 1900s, with beautiful built-in cabinets next to a cozy fireplace. i could almost smell the wood that would be burned in that fireplace. the icing on the cake for me was that it happened to be on the same street my grandfather medak built a wonderful home (just a few blocks north).  "the mallory house" my aunts uncles and parents still talk about that house. i was certain this had to be a sign. i even posted the news on facebook after we made the offer (which i seriously debated doing). i didn't want to jinx ourselves but I also felt like "this is it" - all we really needed was that medak magic from heaven and lots of prayers from our friends and family. we put our very best offer forward and came pretty close (we ended up being the back up) but again there were multiple offers and someone else blew ours out of the water. to say i was devastated doesn't even come close to describing my disappointment. i cried and cried - and cried some more. in my eyes that was our house - i was even convinced the accepted offer had to fall through because someone else was going to be living in our house. again, everyone told us it wasn't meant to be and ours was still out there. i didn't believe them - i thought we were the exception to the saying we kept hearing over and over again "we're so glad we didn't get that house."

third time's a charm: we're so glad we didn't get that house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yep i said it - you were all right - and we'll accept each and every "i told ya so" with a smile. don't get me wrong house 2 was a gem. but i grew up in a 1909 house with a leaky roof, and old windows, and terrible insulation. considering we offered everything we could, that house would have taken the term "house poor" to a whole other galaxy! we love our 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath (yes we have a half bath - what a life!!!!), 1950's home and can't imagine living in any other. the added bonus - it's only 1.02 miles from our apartment so we get to stay in the same neighborhood we love so much. we owe so much to my incredible uncle who happened to be our realtor -because of him the stars truly aligned with this one. our friends and family also deserve a world of credit for the unending advice, support and especially the words of encouragement when we were really bummed and frustrated.

homeowners: i can't begin to describe how it feels to own a home - happy, excited, pumped - nothing comes close to this feeling! when i just finished school,  moved back to portland, and realized how high the prices were i wasn't so sure it would be a reality for me. it still feels like a dream - especially since we're working on projects before we move in (i promise i'll update with the progress). life has been really good to us and we're definitely ready to "pay it forward." so, without further ado, may we please introduce you to our home sweet home!

before pictures (there are tiny white numbers on each photo - descriptions below):

row one: 1. front of house 2. living room tv wall 3. living room long wall into dining room (hi b!) row two: 4. stella's room/office/craft room (technically the 3rd bedroom right off of the living room) 5 stella's room looking into living room. 6. full shot of living room (standing in dining room) 7. hallway
row three: 8. dining room (you can see the back yard - it's huge) 9. kitchen 10. full bathroom row four: 11. master bedroom from the door 12. master bedroom from the corner 13. half bath 14. 2nd bedroom

we've been hard at work - stay tuned!

hugs

♡

home is wherever i'm with you!

when we first got engaged and decided to set our date 18 months out, most people told me it would drive me nuts - and they were right. when you have that much time to plan you tend to think about things too much. i can't tell you how many times i changed the "theme," the colors, the decorations, etc. i changed my mind a million times until the planning just wasn't fun anymore. the great thing about having a lot of time to plan, is it allowed brandon and i to really think if a big huge wedding was what we wanted. as most of you know by now, it wasn't. we eventually couldn't justify spending that much money on one day and decided to put the money towards a home instead.

it was actually a really tough decision. i am fortunate to have an extremely large family - and the weddings i have attended over the years for my cousins and siblings have been truly epic. so much so "when's the next wedding?" is a question you always hear at my family functions. when i was little i couldn't wait to have a huge wedding. the hardest part for me was realizing i've grown out of that "dream" and the guilt that came with disappointing our friends and family who were so looking forward to our big day.

what i didn't expect was the incredible amount of support from our friends a family! i'm blown away by the love we have in our lives - we are really lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

for now the wedding we be extremely intimate in my parents backyard. an evening ceremony and cocktail party a sunset. this is perfect for us - brandon and i are pretty simple people, we don't like a lot of attention, and now that we're not overwhelmed we feel like we can breathe again.

so now we're officially house hunters! we've been addicted to the tv show for quite some time, and now that we're officially hunting it puts a whole new spin on things! it's quite the experience and i still can't believe we're going to be homeowners this year! we have a lot to learn and a lot of houses to see so we're definitely preparing ourselves for a wild ride!

considering my last post was in june (i'm obviously the worst blogger ever) i can't promise i'll be making regular updates - but thanks for hanging in there and visiting. you guys are the best!

hugs

♡

making a list and checking it twice

no, santa clause is not coming to town...but we're finally starting to check some items off the wedding "to-do" list!
venue (check), wedding dress (check), wedding colors (check), bridesmaid dresses (check), florist (check), photographer (check), caterer (eh...semi check). my goal is to get the big items booked and out of the way so i have the little things to focus on next year. i attended a family graduation party this weekend and i received fantastic advice from my aunts, uncles and cousins. one cousin told me that none of your vendors want to talk to you until 1-2 months before your wedding and then all hell breaks loose. i can't begin wrap my head around the stress level i'll probably be experiencing 2 months away from the wedding day...but at least i have been warned.

brandon and i attending a wedding two weekends ago and have another one coming up on the 3rd. it's so much fun watching other weddings, to see how things flow, to get ideas, and make mental notes of what you might want to do and what you might not want to do. the last wedding we went to was for brandon's co-worker. we sat with two other couples from his work. one couple was married a year earlier (to the day - it was their one year anniversary!) and the other couple is getting married in less than 30 days. as we were watching the ceremony and reception we kept asking each other questions and advice. at one point during the night i seriously felt like i was on an episode of 4 weddings (tlc)! we all had a good laugh at that, considering every single person at the table knew exactly what I was talking about...even the guys (who all proclaimed they were forced into watching the show...but secretly i think they all get a kick out of it too). I think the craziest part of attending other weddings, when you're engaged and planning one of your own,  is thinking "wow that's going to be us" it makes me so excited!

last on the list of updates for today, we got our engagement photos back! i think we were both a little nervous about how they would turn out. like i mentioned in the previous post it's a little awkward walking around downtown portland with a photographer snapping photos of you for two hours and we were praying the photos wouldn't reflect that. we were relieved to see they didn't and i think elijah really captured our personalities in the photos. i'm so excited to work with jessica and her team and i can't wait to see how the wedding photos will turn out.

without further ado, here is a sneak peak to the photos (the very last photo is one of my favorites). please stop by jessica's website to view her incredible work jessica hill photography - kate and brandon  

hugs

♡

the rules of engagement...photos (and other updates)

these two little birds sure have been neglected...was my last post really all the way back in feb? well i guess we have a lot of caching up to do.

first thing is first...i finally said yes to the dress(es)!! i  found the one i will wear on the big day yippee... and actually not too long after my last post. it really couldn't be more perfect. when we last left off i found two dresses that i loved but neither one of them felt just right (ha it's like right out of goldilocks and the three bears...except with dresses instead of porridge/chairs/beds...and there's no bears involved). i knew i had to find a dress that was a combination of the two i couldn't decide on..and i did! it is so perfect it's scary...when i found it (valentine's day) and where i found it (sorry this one's a secret only a few close friends have seen it and know where it came from) are literally 2 more pieces of evidence proving to me that things really do happen for a reason! it's beautiful, it's perfect for the venue and it completely fits my personality! i just can't wait until brandon sees it on our day.

 what's even more exciting is the dress i chose completely flipped the script on the whole theme and tone of the wedding. now i'm going back through my bridal magazines and finding incredible inspiration i completely looked over just because it wasn't "in your face" or "modern"!

i found (well actually my mom found) the bridesmaid dresses as well and again it's a secret! i guess i should probably mention mostly every thing is going to be a secret from now on...no more inspiration boards or sneak peaks...we have some big plans in the works and i don't want anyone to see anything until it is all put together. okay, back to the bridesmaids - do you have any idea how hard it is to find a bridesmaid dress that doesn't look like a bridesmaid dress? it's really quite ridiculous and time consuming! By the way, if you're a designer there's a huge market for non-bridesmaidy-ish looking dresses...so get on top of things before someone else does. challenge #1: it's outside, at a farm, in august...so silk, or satin, or charmeuse,  or chiffon, or taffeta is either going to be way too dressy or way too hot! challenge #2 the maids range in ages from 19 to late 30's so finding something that isn't too young or isn't too mature was a little difficult. challenge #3: it's pretty obvious that everyone is a different shape or size so it was really important to find something that would not only be  flattering on everyone but most important it has to be comfortable!! i want the girls to have fun and i don't want them to have to spend the day tugging or pulling or thinking about how ridiculous they look in a dress that is all wrong for them. being a bridesmaid is quite the experience and every maid knows that it is the brides day...but every single bridesmaid is such a beautiful part of my life i want them to feel beautiful too! I really think they will in these dresses and as an added perk, *alert-i am about to say one of the biggest bridal cliches known to man kind* yes...i do think the girls could wear the dresses again! ha! i just said that out loud and couldn't help but giggle at that statement.

what's next...oh the engagement photos!!!!! brandon and i won a free engagement shoot from the photographer we fell in love with. i really wasn't too worried about engagement photos to begin with so because we won the session our main goal was to just have fun with it....and we did! the main photographer was shooting a wedding that day so we actually got to work with elijah hoffman, a wonderfully talented photographer that was so awesome to work with!! it was a little awkward in the beginning...mostly because brandon and i had absolutely no clue what to do. do we look at the camera? do we gaze into each others' eyes? do we stare thoughtfully into the distance? yeah...no clue but once we got the hang of things it got a little easier. elijah was so great about giving us direction and didn't get mad when i literally could not stop laughing when he wanted me to get "moody" (i'm a full teeth smiler so even a half smile feels extremely uncomfortable to me...imagine how hard it was to produce my most extreme stink eye on the spot). all in all it was a really great experience! we had fun, we got to see some really kick ass parts of downtown portland, we took some weird photos (which is fitting because brandon and i are freakshows about 75% of the time), and i'm sure we got some pretty great pictures in there as well. I'm anxious to see them and I am so glad we did it.

well that's about it for now. i won't leave you hanging for too long. we are creeping up on being a year out from the date...so it's time to get rolling!

hugs

♡

say "yes" to the dress

i guess i've always done things a little different (when you look at the way things are done in a pretty traditional catholic family)...so why should this wedding be anything but nontraditional. since the engagement i've been determined not to be that crazy bride i see all over reality tv shows. i am overwhelmed by the massive bridal shows, i am painfully uncomfortable when all the attention is centered on me, and i think it would be easier to find my wedding dress on my own rather than with an entourage. but a few weeks ago i had the most "bridey" experience and my reaction to it surprised me!

i have been searching the web for the perfect wedding dress. i found one and, of course, it wasn't your typical wedding dress. i tried it on and fell in love but before purchasing i still wanted to get that whole dress experience. the more i started talking about this dress the more people wanted to see it so i rounded up my "entourage" and headed for the dress. even though the people with me were family it was still a little awkward having all eyes on me. i don't know why but oohing and awing makes me cringe. everyone loved the dress...apparently "it's so me."  but i still wanted to see what was out there before making this big decision. we went to an adorable boutique in sellwood and that's where the magic happened. the 4th dress i tried on made me feel like a full on white wearing', bouquet tossin', "i do" sayin' bride! there i was standing on a little pedestal while they kept adding things making me feel even more bridey! hair up, hair piece here, sash there...it was incredible...and i actually liked the feeling. it made everything seem more real like this is really happening and i'm so excited for our special day.

so you would think this dress that made me feel like a bona fide bride would be the one right? oh no that would be too easy. truthfully i still can't let the first dress go. the two are completely different and each one would give off completely different "vibes" to the wedding. this would be an occasion where i would hold the first dress in my right hand, the second in my left, look at brandon and say: "okay pick!" and he would totally tell me what he thought of each one with 100% honesty. well i can't do that in this situation so i'm having a little bit of a hard time. the good news is that i have a year and a half to look and now i know what i'm looking for: a blend of the two! i'm  confident i'll find it...and when i do i'm actually looking forward to getting another taste of that bridey feeling.

hugs

 ♡

inspiration board #3-mellow yellow

we're back! brandon and i had a fantastic holiday season and i'm hoping you all did too! it was nice to take a break from all things wedding. a week before christmas we went to zoo lights with friends and the next day attended two family parties...and there were a ton of wedding questions at each event. i had to stop and giggle a little because it literally hit me again "oh yeah we're getting married"!

so it's back to reality now that the holidays are over and it's actually nice and refreshing and exciting...and one more "year" closer to the date :) i've had a lot of fun revisiting websites i love and i've been getting a few more ideas. i'm literally obsessed with this color combo: gray and yellow! it's fun and beautiful and unexpected and i just love it! i've been playing around with the idea of having yellow burlap. i love texture and i love pattern but i want to combine the two in a way that's not overwhelming and chaotic.

i am 99% sure gray and yellow will be a part of our colors...but i can't forget about the rest of my friends on the color wheel. i keep going back to the picture of the necklace...and the lanterns on inspiration board #2. maybe we will use white and gray as neutrals...yellow as the main color...then the bold colors in inspiration board #2 as accents: white table cloth, yellow burlap runner, bold farm fresh flowers in simple white or clear vases with gray ribbon? i'm not sure (i keep changing my mind) and the great thing is we have a lot of time to make these world changing decisions :)

there is one thing i'm sure of: i don't want it to look staged. having props seems to be pretty popular according to the wedding blogs. desks, and suitcases, and sofas in the middle of fields and barns cluttered with little odds and ends. it's cute...but there is a point where the theme and all the stuff that comes with it becomes overkill and that is the complete opposite of what i'm going for. i think i've told everybody at this point (or maybe i just keep saying it over and over to myself) i don't want it to be a production. i want it to be fun and effortless and i want to make sure people enjoy themselves!

good bye for now friends brandon and i will keep updating as we get inspired...or stressed which ever one comes first :)

hugs

 ♡